Thank You Kanye West, Thank You

Last night Kanye did an interview on Conan that could only be described as the most awkward interview ever conducted on television, ever. There is seriously something wrong with this guy. Even Conan is clearly struggling. My favorite parts are when he talks about how he's going to "make a change" with respect to the paparazzi (4:00) and when he tells Conan that he has to "use the bathroom really, really bad," in the middle of a sentence. Woooow, are you gonna use the big boy urinal? Who tells a talk show host they have to go to the bathroom? Are you informing your handlers you need your diapee changed? And sure Kanye, you're really the first celebrity to get pissed off at the paparazzi. I'm sure your lawyers will come up with something Brangelina's and Madonna's didn't. Are you gonna run for governor, because bad news, you can barely speak.

Hey here's an idea you rich son of a bitch, move out of LA you dumb bastard. I've never heard of anyone complaining of the paps in Minneapolis, oh god I'm not even going to pretend you might leave the country. Here's an alternative... New York. You, know, Manhattan? The city where all the celebrities go when they don't want their photo taken? Last time I checked, you can make music anywhere, and you're fithly spankin' rich. If you think I'm coming down too hard on this retard, note that in the interview he compares his opposition to the paparazzi to the civil rights movement. The CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT. I put it in all caps, so you know that's a preposterous claim. I know thousands of people have tackled this issue before, but I'm going to say it anyway. Your shitty fans pay you MILLIONS to sing shittily and electronically distort your voice. They buy your shitty clothes because you tell them to even though your clothing is just nerdy. Your clothing blows, you're just proving that if a celebrity puts their name on a bag of shit, it becomes fashionable. Just try watching the entire interview without thinking, "Ok, I know he's rich and famous and everything, but I'm pretty sure I'm just looking at a dork who wandered onto the set of Conan while on his way to ComicCon, did he just say he has to go to the bathroom? His Mom definately dressed him. Oh shit, bitch is dead."

So they buy your overpriced CDs and clothing so that you can live in some mansion, and oh yeah they buy the magazines that have photos of you because, for some reason that elludes me completely, they want to see pictures of you. So really, when you say you don't like the paps what you're really saying is, fuck your fans. As long as they're faithfully buying the worthless shit you put your name on, you're happy, but the second they want something from you, you whine like Sarah Palin talking about the press. You basically get paid to have pictures taken of you and you act like you're a non-Arab in Darfur. Grow the fuck up, be a man, stop telling people you have to use the bathroom.



Here's another video of Kanye being awful in case you missed it. It's the video he made with Mike Meyers during Katrina. First, I'd like to point out that I agree that George Bush probably doesn't care about black people, frankly I don't think he really cares about anybody. Second, Katrina was obviously horrible. But both of these facts don't make what Kanye's saying not retarded and hilarious... assuming you can get past the awfulness of the context, which thanks to my apparently absentee conscience, I seemingly have no problem doing. Watch for Mike Meyers reactions since Kanye obviously went off script, something that clearly totally helped his cause. Watch till the very end, I promise you on my cat's life (the one I don't like) you will not regret it.